All is fair in love and war

except when you're creepy. I was job searching and decided to check the "Missed Connections" Section on Craiglist because it's just so much more interesting than employment opportunities to babysit rich children and act for free in student films. Here are some of the ones that caught my eye:

Asian Girl Checking Me Out - m4w - 44 (Los Angeles)
Date: 2010-04-04, 1:51AM PDT


You are the petite Asian girl checking me out. I was the tall white guy. Dark hair, mohawk. Green eyes. Black leather jacket.

I wish we could have met. But how? What could I say to a stranger walking without seeming creepy?

Remember me? I'll never forget you.


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OMG Seriously? This makes me never want to walk on the street and look people in the eye ever again.

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Re: So into you - m4w
Date: 2010-04-03, 9:25PM PDT


Then you should call. Like right now. Cause you know that I'm into you. I told you so. So if you are feeling it, just call me right now and I will have nothing but happy things to say to you. I love you after all and just wish you would call. You know the number so give it a try and find out what it's like calling someone that cares for you completely. Not like the others, but the one who just thinks of you and your happiness.


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Poor guy's a creeper. Sounds like he's trying to convince himself he's not, but he is.

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Death Wife at Car Wash - m4w - 37 (Eagle Rock Car Wash)
Date: 2010-04-03, 9:04PM PDT


You were in line with me at the car wash today. You turned around and smiled at me. You were sexy as all get out in your white shirt with daggers which was light enough to show your black bra underneath, jet black hair, and skull bracelet. I was hoping to speak with you leading to us doing horribly fun things to each other but, alas, you never came out in the sun. As you walked to your black vehicle with the tinted windows on it I noticed what might also have been a wedding ring. If you know what I'm talking about and are ever allowed out to play.

We can entertain ourselves in the dark.

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Just no.

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Okay. I am an ass for poking fun at these attempts to find love.
Yes, love is hard to find, but it's even harder to find when you are a creeper. Guys, don't do any of the above, be respectful, and you should be fine. Horribly lusting after someone or assuming eye contact means intense interest i.e. "Oh, you looked at me? I love you, let me lick it" is a sure way to scare off potential partners. Women can sense a man's urge to infect them with stds. It's obvious. You look ridiculous. Anyway, it is nice to think that someone thinks you're beautiful. However, the manner in which you express this compliment is of utmost importance.
I need a drink. Be safe people.